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Living with bf; I hate the dog, but he won’t get rid of him and won’t take care of him?

Question by pedestrianx388: Living with bf; I hate the dog, but he won’t get rid of him and won’t take care of him?
What do I do??! How to I make my bf see that he has to take better care of the dog, or get rid of it?? He won’t listen!

Long story short: My bf & I have a house together, and we got a dog from the humane society. I don’t like the dog, my bf does, (but doesn’t show it very well). My bf isn’t making the time to spend with the dog, train him properly, and he thinks this is “ok”. I feel like he’s treating the dog like a “prized possession”, just so he can say “Hey everyone, guess what? I have a dog.” And I feel as though we’re just paying money to have another chore around the house. I get nothing out of this dog but frustration.

The longer story:

I don’t like the dog and wish my bf would contact the guy who took the dog’s brother from the HS (same day we took our dog), who has a farm, who would take a LOT better care of him.

I admit it’s both our fault when we first got the dog. My bf was basically thinking “I REALLY want a dog”, and I was thinking “I guess he wants a dog…”; no real thought process or communication went on, which I regret.
I also know how hard it is to just give up a pet that you love, but you’d think that you’d have enough common sense to either take better care of the dog, or give him to a better family. How selfish is that??

I’m not a dog person, (I was bit on the nose by a dog when I was younger and had to get stitches). I have tried to like (or put up with) the dog, but in the end, I just don’t like him. What’s even worse is that my bf doesn’t take care of him properly. He’s a german sheppard/newfie/rottie cross so he’s a big dog that requires lots of exercise, and the dog is lucky to get a half hour walk a day.

So:
-he whines all day at us,
-tips over garbage cans,
-he hasn’t been trained on walks so he pulls whenever he wants to (we now have the “gentle leader”, but that’s just a quick fix),
-has learned to jump up on the countertop when we’re gone and knock everything over (plus eating any food that happens to be there),
-I can’t stand the huge amounts of hair that will still be around if I had the time to vacuum twice a week,
-he sleeps in the same room with us and stinks it up because we have to keep the door closed, or he’ll go looking for midnight snacks on the countertop downstairs,
-he still jumps up on people and my bf hardly teaches him not to,
-there are STILL accidents in the house (after a couple years with the dog), because my bf will be playing a video game and will “forget” to take him out,
-he’s not socialized properly because my bf won’t take him to the dog park or for longer walks,

So, how do I make my bf see?? I’m definitely not about to leave my bf, but I can’t stand this dog, and I can’t see us having kids with this dog around…I picture the dog jumping on the kid by accident and hurting him/her, and being ignored completely, because there’s a friggin’ baby to take care of!
I’ve even told him that I observe this as how you’re going to be when we have kids, and all he can say is “people change”….well why the hell isn’t he changing NOW?? (I’m not asking for much, I actually care enough about the dog that he’s happy, too).
anne b: I KNOW we’re too young to be having kids and are not prepared, I just mentioned it because I would like to have kids some day,I think about it, and can’t help but think about the future every once in a while. I compared the two because taking care of a dog, to me, feels like taking care of a toddler ( for the next 17 years).

Best answer:

Answer by Sybil
Your boyfriend probably won’t change even if you do have a baby. Are you sure you want to stay with someone that is so irresponsible he can’t even take care of a dog?

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!









9 Responses to “Living with bf; I hate the dog, but he won’t get rid of him and won’t take care of him?”

  1. Don’t let a dog bite scare you away from dogs. It happened many years ago and with a different dog. You NOW have an opportunity to make a difference in this dog’s life.

    You are not going to convince your BF unless you are invested as well. Sign up for obedience training and encourage him to go with you. Get that dog under control.

    As for your comparison between kids and a dog – that’s not a fair comparison. Dogs and kids are two totally different species. If he is generally irresponsible, then that is a whole different story.

    Help this dog out – get him trained.

  2. anne b says:

    I rather hate to say this, but I think both of you are way too young and immature to even be thinking about children. let alone a dog.
    Your boyfriend needs to give the dog back to the shelter if he won’t care for it, as you don’t seem to want to step up, either. It was probably in the contract he signed to bring the dog back, anyway.

    You seem to be in a great hurry to be in a relationship, and have not thought about the fact that if this guy can’t even take care of a dog, how is he ever going to be responsible enough to take care of a baby or you, for that matter?

    He is obviously not ready for any kind of responsibility, and if you are, you need to find someone else.

    ETA: What you have told us about this guy leaves us less than impressed in general. I still think he should take the dog back and you should move on. You are obviously in two different worlds, and you can’t change that.

  3. Mommy_Me says:

    I understand your frustration. I went threw the same thing with my husband. We had a German Shepherd. He was a baby when he got him, but of course got bigger. He ended up jumping all over our kids and us all the time, and got to aggressive with our kids playing and strangers;
    I think that your boyfriend should be responsible enough to see that if the dog is causing this much trouble for you and the house. Then he should either take the dog to a trainer and get some help, or give it to someone who can take the time to do so. Obviously there is a problem somewhere with the dog not listening or he wouldn’t be on your counter tops when your not home. I say talk to your bf, or make the decision for him, and find the dog a new home. I agree with you about the kids part. You can’t have a dog that requires more attention from you, then what you will need to give to your children. Best of Luck!!

  4. Kevin says:

    Yeah people change but they respond to a stimulus – like a life changing event or the addition of something in their life, like a dog – they don’t change because someone “makes them see”. You are right on point with how he is going to be with kids. Nothing you tell him will make him change for more than a little while. You problem isn’t just how he treats the dog its how he shirks responsibility, doesn’t think through long term decisions, and how he ignores your concerns. Frankly it sounds like you really love the dog, and you recognize you aren’t up for all the responsibilities of caring for him properly, and you love him enough to want him to have a better life. Your bf on the other hand, doesn’t seem to love the dog enough to commit to the work involved, doesn’t seem to love you enough to address your concerns, and doesn’t even seem to respect himself enough to not have his own home constantly trashed by his misbehaved dog.
    So your decision isn’t about the dog. You know perfectly well that at any time you could call a shelter or the humane society or aspca and take the dog away, but you don’t because you know your bf would freak. You could also take it on yourself to train the dog and be his pack leader. Dogs want to follow people, we’ve spent centuries breeding them to do it. But you don’t want to do that because you are looking for something in your bf that isn’t there. Your decision is about the relationship. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. You can’t date this guy for the fun times and expect him to pick up and be a different person with respect to all his vices. So the same way you want your bf to either take proper care of the dog or give him to someone who does, you need to love your bf and yourself enough to make that same decision for your relationship. You obviously love your boyfriend but do you love him enough to invest in the work that it will be over the course of your whole life together, and if not do you love him and yourself enough to move on to a relationship where either he has had that personal growth and doesn’t require a parent instead of a partner, and you can be with someone who is more responsible and attentive and everything else you want to find the magic words to make your boyfriend.
    I can’t tell you how to make that decision its something you have to decide.

  5. A.P. says:

    well the dog would be great if it had excercise and attention. Just tell him that the dog isnt being properly treated and you think it isnt fair to you or the dog

  6. relswete says:

    I agree it is a long time responsibility. What amazes me is you can in your mind do the comparison and then look at the b/f who does not have the maturity to take care of a dog let alone a wife or children. Do you even realize that his lack of training, his lack of enthusiasm, his lack of taking proper care of this dog is just a GLANCE into the future with this person. People who are immature or who do not care about the welfare of hopeless will not care all that much later, he is not 12.

    I agree the dog deserves better, the shelter who owned him may indeed take him and re-home him to a proper place. No dog is a great companion without care and training.

    Your choices are to stand up take control walk the dog and try to help train him or to leave the person who is not promoting his welfare or caring about yours.

    I could not imagine life without my hairy lovable loyal companions, I have scars from being bitten, but those are healed by the love and loyalty I receieve each and every day.

    Since he likes dogs and you do not could this be another sign or is it that if you didn’t fear being bitten would you also concide to some hair or small dealings with the dog?
    The dog deserves someone to train him so he can be comfortable in your or any home.
    I would ask nicely that his owner step up and challenge him to try and train the dog..you can challenge him and see if he steps up..if you nag or complain he will not do it, maybe you can walk together?
    If nights with him in the room are stinky how about a brushing and a bath?
    Maybe if you could make it your problem as well as your boyfriends your dog could be an acceptable house mate? There are so many ways to make a dog a great companion and they can be allot of fun to have around instead of a burden no one wants to deal with poor guy!
    If you like to play or exercise include the dog..toss balls, walk, jog, play catch, go to local dog park and aclimate him to making friends and having fun. Practice for mother hood since you want to be one someday.
    If nothing I said effects the way you or your b/f relate to this helpless dog then please take him to a shelter who is a no kill, who will re-home him to a proper home so he can have a happy full life.
    The potty thing really gets to me, a dog cannot open doors what would anyone do if they had to go and waited for 4-6 hours?? It is not only un healthy for his insides but un healthy for you as far as keeping your home clean! The dog deserves so much more!

  7. daa says:

    You can’t change someone else’s behavior – only your own. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to step up and take care of the dog, you do it. Sign up for a beginning obedience class and learn how to train the dog yourself. Encourage your boyfriend to come to class with you. Start taking the dog for long walks or to a dog park every day. You be responsible for taking the dog outside frequently enough to avoid accidents, and for teaching him not to jump on people. You can either just do it, and work toward having a nice dog that you can live with, or you can put up with living with an untrained, under-exercised dog.

  8. k.b says:

    If a person “forgets” to let the dog out because he is too involved in a video game, then he is not responsible. And you can’t make him grow up. The dog deserves someone who loves it, and also is a pack leader. I own two pit bulls, and no behavior problems (aside from the occasional tearing up of a shoe.) Either you need to step up and bond with the boy, become what the dog needs you to be, or you find him a better home, irregardless of what your bf thinks. If he gets upset, tell him to get over it. As the owner of power breeds, and a foster mom for them, I deal with the consequences of irresponsible owners, and breeders.
    There are simple fix’s for the issues that you have with dog.
    Look as to why he is whining. Are you sitting down and making a little bit of time with him everyday? Does he have any toys, or treats? My foster babies love nothing more than to sit next to me, even when we are just vegging on the couch, and be loved on. A little attention goes along way.
    Well, tipping over the garbage cans is because he is bored, hungry or both.
    And both of these tie into training. Make him work for his treats. There are plenty of books, and classes to teach you how to train a dog. And since he has German shep. in him, he is probably very smart, and can learn quickly. (not saying that other breeds aren’t.. just pointing it out)
    Since your bf is not up to taking responsibility of what he wanted to get, then you need to. If you don’t want, then you need to make the decision to find him a GOOD home. This is going to be one of many situations he will put you in, and you need to take a stand. Put your foot down, and be either be the responsible one, or be the one to make his life better. Its not about what your bf wants, its about what is the best for the dog.

  9. Marna O says:

    Sybil is right. Use this as an insight into who your boyfriend is.

    People do not change.

    Think long and hard before you get in too deep.

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